Stop driving like a complete twat. Seriously.

So there’s a bit of flooding going on at the moment in Australia. Thankfully these floods are fundamentally rural floods, which generally means slow moving waters and not a lot of lives lost. Last years floods in Grantham QLD by contrast was brutal, viscious and came from nowhere.

And every time I see the floodwaters on TV I become a little bit angrier.

Why? Because the news every night seems to show some pillock driving through floodwater. Stupidly.

Maybe it looks good on TV. You see car headlights approach the camera on the other side of the floodwater. It’s bucketing down so it’s a blurry picture. But it’s clearly a car coming towards the camera.

Does the car slow down before it hits the water? NO WAY! There is a TV camera! Lets just gun it. The water is not THAT deep and besides. It makes such a satisfying thump sound when I hit the water at speed. Plus you get these really cool looking jets of water shooting upwards, metres into the air. It’s quite an image.

What it also is is stupid. Darwin awards stupid.

Now read what I have to say slowly inside your head. Imagine it being said to you in the most patronising tone possible. It helps for the effects of this particular rant.

Seriously. Is your name Skipper? Did you receive some sort of advanced training in fluid dynamics? Are you some sort of hydrologist? Are you aware that when you “fill” the car you don’t put water in it? Did you know that the internal combustion engine relies on mixing two very basic substances together.

Air and fuel.

Not water and fuel.

You see water is the enemy of every car. Your car is full of sensitive electronics. And electronics and water don’t go together well. By driving fast through floodwater all you are doing is basically squirting a couple of dozen garden hoses in and around your engine. While it’s running. In a potentially life threatening situation.

Then hoping that everything will be OK.

Well your just an idiot. Do you really want to be that mental pygmy standing on top of the roof of their car looking acutely embarrassed while the SES rescues them?

Go ahead. Keep driving. Like a complete idiot.