Mancations - Demolition Derbies

The classic Boys’ Weekend Away is a near-sacred tradition. Often difficult to negotiate with partners and loved ones, they are hard earned and come at a high cost – in brownie points at the very least. Here then is a little Mancation inspiration: the best of the best of boys’ weekends in Australia. So unwind, enjoy, and remember . . . it’s all in the name of manly fun. Words by AT Staff, edited by Craig Roberts

Picture yourself sitting in a gutted-out, stripped-to-the-tits, 1400kg metallic warhorse. No windows, headlights or mirrors, just a bucket seat, steering wheel and a dodgy shifter that sticks in third. Beads of sweat stream down the side of your face and the sting of burning fuel arouses your senses. Then it begins.

Teeth clenched, eyes fixed straight. No backing down now. Grip the wheel and brace for the call of the crowd. Three . . . two . . . one: drop the clutch, lock it into first and don’t expect an ounce of mercy from your mates.

Fire it back up, wipe the splattered mud off your face and unleash hell.

The first hit takes you by surprise. The back end slides out and you catch a glimpse of your best mate’s blood-lusting eyes as he fixes to smash you apart. The engine stalls as he hits you at top speed and the whole car does a 360. By now you’re steaming with volcanic anger, but this is what you came here for, right? No smoke from the bonnet and all fluids are still contained, so fire it back up, wipe the splattered mud off your face and unleash hell. Time to pick up speed: 30km, 40km, then nail your “best mate” in front of you and let him feel the full force of your fury.

It’s hard to see now. Thick steam pours from a cracked radiator. It’s nearly over and it doesn’t really matter who won or lost – just so long as you leave behind a pile of scrap, ready to be crushed into cubes.

WA is well known for its active motor sports and Perth’s Motorplex has written a five-page guide on how to build your own demolition derby car in just three days (www.motorplex.com.au), while Sydney’s Parramatta Speedway (www.parramattacityraceway.com.au) runs five events each year (October through March) with caravan, boat, and dunny demolition derbies (proceeds donated to the Children Hospital at Westmead). All it takes is a little elbow grease, some know-how and a few willing friends and you’ve got the perfect Derby Night Mancation.

Brag Factor // Deliberately writing off another car, not bothering to stop to exchange licence and rego details . . . and knowing it’s all 100 percent legal.

Partner Pitch // “Baby, if I smash the competition and win this event and the $2500, we can quit our day jobs and become full time smash junkies!”

Details // There’s a speedway in every major city. Check out www.nasr.com.au for info on nationwide events