Plane bad behaviour - a flight attendant's confessions

Manners can often disappear above the clouds. We chat to a flight attendant on the frontline of bad behaviour to find out what causes mile-high anxiety.

What is it about soaring above the clouds in a metal bullet that has the capacity to turn a normally rational individual into an unhinged rage monster?

Flying used to be a civilised affair, complete with cocktails and pleasantries. But these days it seems more and more flights teeter on the edge of grudging courtesies and all-out-brawl.

If you’ve been paying attention, you will have noticed an increase in passenger-related disputes popping up in your news feeds.

Most recently, we heard of Grant Hackett and the Nipple-gate fiasco, whereby our great Olympic hope, furious that the (male) passenger in front of him dared to recline, lurched forward to administer a nipple cripple on the unsuspecting recipient.

Hackett has since apologised and admitted being inebriated at the time, but really, does that excuse a mid-flight teat-tweak?

There has also been a proliferation in the US of bad manners en route, including a situation whereby a ‘knee-blocker’ device was employed by a passenger, preventing the person in front from reclining.

The situation escalated to a point where the victim threw a cup of water at the perp and the flight had to be diverted.

What is going on up there? Surely travelling at great speed some 38,000 feet above the ground should engender a we’re-all-in-it-together kind of spirit? Yet it seems tensions increase with altitude.

It used to be that bad behaviour on board was reserved for the Mile High Club and pinching a few extra miniatures from the drinks trolley, but now we’re having hissy fits over where we sit, hogging the overhead compartment, and waging passive-aggressive wars for the armrest.

The need for airlines to effectively keep costs down while not making huge losses has seen an increase in seats on planes.

Thus, the trade-off for low airfares is slightly more cramped conditions, but surely given the choice, most of us would happily sacrifice a few centimetres to save a few dollars.

The sad truth is the glamour of flying is now as lifeless as the in-flight meal and while we expect to scuttle here and there, we don’t seem prepared to acknowledge flying is just another mode of public transport.

Daily commuters learn a certain level of resigned tolerance for the excessive invasion of personal space, but in the air our fuse is shorter.

While the vast majority of flights do hum along to their destination without any animosities, there’s little denying air travel can be a crucible of malcontent, so we wanted to chat to someone who sees it all, from the good to the bad and the earth-shatteringly ugly.

We chat to a real-life Virgin Australia flight attendant, who we’ll call Karen Singleton for the purpose of this article, about what actually happens up there and how we can all be better passengers.

How long have you been a flight attendant with Virgin?

KS: Twelve years. Ten flying domestically and two internationally.

What’s with all the bad behaviour?

KS: There’s a lot of passenger shaming going on at the moment, with people taking videos and photos and sharing them on social media. It’s always difficult to contain that.

Do people generally behave on flights?

KS: The majority do but there’s always one who’s a bit needy. There always seems to be one person that you have to take care of.

What’s the most common cause of bad behaviour between passengers?

KS: It’d have to be anything to do with personal space invasion, such as hogging the arm rest or when people put their feet into the space next to them. Or sometimes a passenger will come up to us and say they can’t sit next to someone because they smell.

Whoa, how do you handle that?

KS: It’s a difficult one, it puts us in an awkward position. I can’t go up to someone and say, “Hey, you smell!" and hurt their feelings. It’s hard when we don’t have an extra seat to move people to.

We can use sprays, or there is an old trick of putting coffee on as it draws out the odour, but you have to be discreet about it. The last thing we want is an altercation.

Are there any hygiene issues from travellers that surprise you?

KS: When people go to the toilet with bare feet. You don’t want to be doing that.

At what point do the cabin crew intervene in a dispute between passengers?

KS: If I see two passengers having a heated conversation I ask if I can help, give them suggestions or offer amenities. We’re there to help, we want everybody to get along.

People think they are there by themselves, but we’re 200 or 300 people crammed in and we all have to get along harmoniously.

When is it OK to recline?

KS: Don’t recline during meal service, that’s a courtesy to everyone so they can enjoy the meal. At other times, turn around and see if there is anyone there and if they are working on a laptop or using the tray table.

If they are, ask if it’s OK to put your seat back. Everyone has a right to recline.

Who gets the arm rest?

KS: I’d say the middle person, because there has to be some kind of compensation for that seat. The window seat can lean on the window, and the aisle seat has toilet access.

What do you think makes people intolerant in the air?

KS: It must be that we’re closed in, you can’t open the windows and there is that claustrophobic feeling. Also, people travel for different reasons, someone could be travelling for a funeral and the person next to them for a wedding or holiday. There’s also stress with holidays and getting everyone ready for a trip.

What are your tips for containing the rage when in air?

KS: Just breathe and put yourself in the shoes of the person annoying you. Mental health is a big issue we have on planes, because it’s hard to see.

It’s not visible until people are stressed about things. There are also people who will drink alcohol excessively because they are nervous flyers and all sorts of things.

What’s the best thing passengers can do if a fellow passenger is being aggressive?

KS: Definitely get the attention of the cabin crew, because they have the training, experience and skills to deal with situations.

How can people help the cabin crew?

KS: ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ go a long way. About 95 per cent of people just say, ‘I’ll have chicken’, instead of saying ‘thank you’. Manners stand out so much for us. It’s crazy, but no one says it.

Anything else we should know?

KS: Treat the crew and the plane with respect; it’s our little home. We’ve had people cut their toenails or peel their sunburn and flick it on the ground. I don’t go to your workplace and do that, so don’t do it in mine.

Slow down and find your rhythm on a Murray River journey through time and place.

Trust is a funny thing. It seems not that long ago that my mother was insisting on pouring the milk into my cereal bowl, because she didn’t trust me not to slosh it over the table, and yet here I am on the Murray River at Mildura in far north-west Victoria, being handed the keys to a very new and very expensive luxury houseboat.

After a crash course in how not to crash, I’m at the wheel of the good ship Elevate – pride of the All Seasons fleet – guiding her upstream past red-ochre cliffs as pelicans glide above the rippled river and kookaburras call from reedy banks. There’s a brief moment of breath-holding while I negotiate a hairpin turn around a jagged reef of skeletal, submerged gum trees, before a cheer rings out and calm descends as the timeless river unfurls in front of us.

The Murray River winding through Yarrawonga. (Image: Rob Blackburn)

Setting sail from Mildura

Murray River birds — Home to a large number of bird species, including pelicans. (Image: The Precint Studios)

A journey along the Murray River is never less than magical, and launching from Mildura makes perfect sense. Up here the river is wide and largely empty, giving novice skippers like myself the confidence to nudge the 60-tonne houseboat up to the riverbank where we tie up for the night, without fear of shattering the glass elevator (the boat is fully wheelchair accessible) or spilling our Champagne.

My friends and I spend three days on the water, swimming and fishing, sitting around campfires onshore at night, and basking in air so warm you’d swear you were in the tropics. The simplicity of river life reveals an interesting dichotomy: we feel disconnected from the world but at the same time connected to Country, privileged to be part of something so ancient and special.

Stop one: Echuca

19th-century paddlesteamers — A historic 19th-century paddlesteamer cruises along the Murray River. (Image: Visit Victoria)

The six-hour drive from Melbourne to Mildura (or four hours and 20 minutes from Adelaide) is more than worth it, but you don’t have to travel that far to find fun on the river. Once Australia’s largest inland port, Echuca is the closest point on the Murray to Melbourne (two hours 45 minutes), and you’ll still find a plethora of paddlesteamers tethered to the historic timber wharf, a throwback to the thriving river trade days of the 19th century. The PS Adelaide, built in 1866 and the oldest wooden-hulled paddlesteamer operating in the world, departs daily for one-hour cruises, while a brand-new paddlesteamer, the PS Australian Star , is launching luxury seven-night voyages in December through APT Touring.

The town is also a hot food and wine destination. St Anne’s Winery at the historic Port of Echuca precinct has an incredibly photogenic cellar door, set inside an old carriage builders’ workshop on the wharf and filled with huge, 3000-litre port barrels. The Mill, meanwhile, is a cosy winter spot to sample regional produce as an open fire warms the red-brick walls of this former flour mill.

Stop two: Barmah National Park

Just half-an-hour upstream, Barmah National Park is flourishing, its river red gum landscape (the largest in the world) rebounding magnificently after the recent removal of more than 700 feral horses. The internationally significant Ramsar-listed wetland sits in the heart of Yorta Yorta Country, with Traditional Owners managing the environment in close partnership with Parks Victoria. Walkways weave through the forest, crossing creeks lined with rare or threatened plants, passing remnants of Yorta Yorta oven mounds and numerous scar trees, where the bark was removed to build canoes, containers or shields.

The Dharnya Centre (open weekdays until 3pm) is the cultural hub for the Yorta Yorta. Visitors can learn about the ecological significance of the Barmah Lakes on a 90-minute river cruise, led by a First Nations guide, or take a one-hour, guided cultural walking tour along the Yamyabuc Trail.

Stop three: Cobram

Continue east to Cobram to find the southern hemisphere’s largest inland beach. Swarming with sun-seekers in summer, the white sand of Thompson’s Beach is shaded by majestic river red gums and dotted with hundreds of beach umbrellas, as beachgoers launch all manner of water craft and set up stumps for beach cricket. But the beach is at its most captivating at sunset, when the crowds thin out, the glassy river mirrors the purple sky, and the canopies of the gum trees glow fiery orange.

The region is also home to some fine resorts and indulgent retreats. Yarrawonga Mulwala Golf Club Resort has two riverside championship golf courses, luxury apartments and self-contained villas. While not strictly on the Murray, the historic wine town of Rutherglen is rife with boutique (and unique) accommodation, including an exquisitely renovated red-brick tower in a French provincial-style castle at Mount Ophir Estate. Fans of fortified wines can unravel the mystery of Rutherglen’s ‘Muscat Mile’, meeting the vignerons and master-blenders whose artistry has put the town on the global map for this rich and complex wine style.

Stop four: Albury-Wodonga

First Nations YindyamarraSculpture Walk — First Nations Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk is part of the Wagirra Trail. (Image: Carmen Zammit)

Follow the river far enough upstream and you’ll arrive at the twin border cities of Albury-Wodonga. The Hume Highway thunders through, but serenity can be found along the five-kilometre Yindyamarra Sculpture Walk – part of the Wagirra Trail that meanders through river wetlands just west of Albury in Wiradjuri country. Fifteen sculptures by local First Nations artists line the trail, conveying stories of reconciliation, enduring connection to culture, local Milawa lore and traditional practices. It feels a long way from Mildura, and it is, but the pelicans and kookaburras remind us that it’s the same river, the great conduit that connects our country.

A traveller’s checklist

Staying there

New Mildura motel Kar-rama. (Image: Iain Bond Photo)

Kar-Rama is a brand-new boutique, retro-styled motel in Mildura, with a butterfly-shaped pool and a tropical, Palm Springs vibe. Echuca Holiday Homes has a range of high-end accommodation options, both on the riverfront and in town.

Playing there

BruceMunro’s Trail of Lights in Mildura — Bruce Munro’s Trail of Lights in Mildura. (Image: Imogen Eveson)

Artist Bruce Munro’s Trail of Lights installation, comprising more than 12,000 illuminated ‘fireflies’, is currently lighting up Mildura’s Lock Island in the middle of the Murray. Murray Art Museum Albury (MAMA) is a hub for contemporary art, with a rotating roster of exhibitions, and is a major outlet for young and First Nations artists.

Eating there

Mildura’s diverse demographic means it’s a fantastic place to eat. Andy’s Kitchen is a local favourite, serving up delicious pan-Asian dishes and creative cocktails in a Balinese-style garden setting. Call in to Spoons Riverside in Swan Hill to enjoy locally sourced, seasonal produce in a tranquil setting overlooking the river.

Plane bad behaviour – a flight attendant’s confessions