Ice cold bars, camping trips and Australia's best beach

Chris Smith heads west to his favourite stretch of sand, receives a decidedly chilly reception in a Sydney bar, and finds a new way to camp out in style.

Camping for Cheats

No wonder the outdoor stores don’t know about the recession yet. From what I’ve witnessed firsthand this year, the greatest stimulus package consists of the trusty tent – poles, pegs and all. And if it’s not your cup of billy tea, don’t put the Coleman on eBay just yet, because I’ve discovered a way of going camping, cheating, and loving it.

Take off this weekend to a place on Sydney’s Central Coast called Patonga. An Aboriginal word meaning “oyster", that’s a dish which rightly matches the almost toffy experience. There’s no huffing and puffing on the knob of a blow-up mattress. Most campers elect to electrify their upmarket portable beds, complete with inbuilt deflation switch. Don’t worry about being invited to share a cold VB in the next tent, this is yuppie heaven; it was prawn wontons on ancient Chinese plates!

There may be a ban on open fires, which rules out the trusty billy can, but have no fear: 100m up the road are the best skim lattes on the coast. The campground is more like Sydney’s Norton Street or Melbourne’s Lygon Street on a Sunday morning.

And forget about the primitive camp grill, battling with sandflies and burnt sausages; the luxurious Patonga Hotel brings city cuisine to the bush.
This is cheap-as-chips camping with a little bit of guilt – but after the second dozen-plate of Patonga oysters, that vanishes into the moonlit sky. I’ll be back.

Cold as Ice

If I wanted to surround myself in walls of ice and freeze my bits off, I’d attack a halfpipe at Mt Buller. That’s my conclusion after visiting Sydney’s Minus 5 Ice Bar at Circular Quay recently. It was in the aftermath of a long lunch and birthday celebration, so it was destined for disaster from the start. The Ice Bar is one expensive frost; a smallish tomb of kitsch sculptures, frozen to a bar full of alcohol. Do not attempt this in the morning.

Maybe it’s the tourist precinct, or the high cost of NSW electricity, but entry fees slip up to $40-odd per person . . . and that’s just for a wander inside the ice-block and two rough cocktails.

What made me shiver more than the temperature was the wardrobe of snow-gear they required you to don. The boots, pants, gloves and coat with hoodie must have had at least 7000 grimy bodies inside them. Yuk. And the price of the Russian Mules we were conned into buying must have been the KGB’s idea of revenge against the West.

The concept was quirky enough for a look, but next time, if offered, I’ll seek the real thing and break a leg. Now there’s value for your buck.

Best Beach

It’s time to set the record straight on Australia’s best beach. I’m so sick of hearing about “heavenly Whitehaven" in the Whitsundays, or about how iconic Sydney’s crowded Bondi Beach is. Forget those. Go west, young man, to the magnificence of Injidup Beach in gorgeous Margaret River.

I’ve only been the once, but recently friends Rob and Kim returned from a wine, forest and beach odyssey there, and reminded me of where God goes to swim. There’s no contest. Firstly, it’s on the west coast, the only side of mainland Australia where the ochre sunset across the rolling waves makes a bad day brilliant.

Secondly, it’s seductively secluded, surrounded by national parks, crystal clear water and smothered at either end by colossal sand hills – and, yes, the view from the top does show that the Indian Ocean is forever.

And thirdly, if you really have to leave Injidup, there are Karri forests and Hamelin Bay nearby, Margaret River’s 60-odd incredible wineries, great food in world-class restaurants (think Leeuwin Estate) and some very sophisticated accommodation (think Cape Lodge).

And don’t leave without visiting Mammoth Cave. I’ve been inside three times now – that’s a total of 510 steps – and I can’t wait to return.

But first stop will always be Australia’s best beach, Injidup, as spiritual as it is unforgettable.

*Got a question or a comment for Chris? Email csmith@australiantraveller.com and tune in to 2GB 873 every weekday afternoon.

Traipse Jurassic cliffs and wander secluded beaches on Australia’s most enchanting walks.

Australia’s landscapes are made for hiking. Take the Red Centre, dusted in shifting sands and dotted with miraculous geological formations. Or our rainforests, left behind as the sole souvenir from continents that no longer exist. Down south, mottled night skies hang above crashing seas and unwavering cliffs. It makes sense, then, that hiking holidays are rising in popularity. No wi fi, no traffic. Just you and the path less travelled on the Great Walks of Australia in remote and iconic destinations.

What are the Great Walks of Australia?

If nature is your happy place, you’ve likely heard of the Great Walks of Australia, part of Tourism Australia’s Signature Experiences program since 2013 – a curated collection of 15 all-inclusive, eco-luxury journeys showcasing the country’s most spectacular landscapes with expert guides and incredible meals. GWOA launching in 2013 as

From exploring the peaks of a World Heritage listed island, to journeying through the heart of Australia, and the gentle pull of the majestic Murray – there’s a walking holiday to suit walkers of all experience levels (and interests).

Joining a Great Walks of Australia hike means the pressure is off with all meals, guides and eco-luxury accommodation included.

Where can you hike?

1. Scenic Rim Trail, Queensland

great walks of australia tour group on Scenic Rim Trail, Queensland — Enjoy incredible food along the way.

Around 23 million years ago, volcanoes spewed magma across Queensland’s Scenic Rim . Now, what’s left of the fiery landscape takes the form of the UNESCO-listed Gondwana rainforest.

The Scenic Rim Trail is a four-day guided hike that takes you through the ancient rainforest. You’ll venture out into breathtaking viewpoints across the Main Range National Park. Enjoy a packed lunch, listen out for the duplicitous calls of the lyrebird and enjoy the silence.

You’ll spend your nights in boutique eco-cabins and incredible hospitality.

2. Murray River Walk, South Australia

great walks of australia tour group on — Walk through vibrant wildflower fields.

Murray River Walk pairs easy hiking with blissful evenings cruising the Murray River. Over four days and nights, you’ll follow kangaroo trails through red dirt dusted with vivid patches of wildflowers.

Each day ends on a solar-powered, custom-built houseboat. Watch towering, red sandstone cliffs float by from the top deck spa. Then, it’s three-course meals sourced from local produce and served alongside the region’s best wines.

The entire region you’ll be traversing is within the Riverland Ramsar site. Watch as spoonbills forage for food in the tranquil wetlands, emus parade through the wildflowers, and regent parrots flit above.

3. Maria Island Walk, Tasmania

wombat along the Maria Island Walk tasmania — Spot adorable locals.

Your Maria Island walk begins with a private boat transfer to an untouched, white sand beach. Barefoot in the sand, you’ll quickly realise – aside from your guide and group – you’re completely alone. Spot countless wombats and hear the distant calls of Tasmanian Devils as you spend four days leisurely traversing the island.

Nights are split between private, comfortable wilderness camps and queen-size beds in a historic cottage from the island’s convict history. Meals are built around fresh-caught seafood and served with East Coast Tasmanian wine.

4. Seven Peaks Walk, New South Wales

hiker on Seven Peaks Walks on Lord Howe Island — Explore the incredible Lord Howe Island. (Image: Luke Hanson)

Lord Howe Island feels like another world. With its patchwork blue coral lagoons and magma-honed peaks, it’s easy to forget you’re in New South Wales.

This walk has the highest level of elevation in the Great Walks of Australia’s collection. It’s because of this that you’ll witness nature like never before. UNESCO-listed volcanic peaks and coral reefs that grew out of solidified lava will become your daily norm.

Along the way, step onto beaches that lie undisturbed for weeks at a time. Then, snorkel the southernmost reef in the Pacific Ocean.

5. Uluṟu-Kata Tjuṯa Signature Walk, Northern Territory

This five-day, fully guided, premium hiking experience inside Uluṟu-Kata Tjuṯa National Park was developed in partnership with Aṉangu Traditional Owners. Begin your walk dwarfed by the shade of Kata Tjuṯa’s towering dome formations. Following remote desert trails through the red sands, crest dunes and traverse mulga woodlands as you draw closer to the monolithic walls of Uluṟu.

Each night, dine under the lamp light of the Milky Way in the warm desert air and sleep in new flagship, environmentally sensitive private camps and lodge. This is the first time that travellers have ever been allowed to spend the night inside the national park.

6. The Twelve Apostles Signature Walk, Victoria

great walks of australia tour group on The Twelve Apostles Signature Walk, Victoria — See the Twelve Apostles in a new way. (Image: Ken Luke)

The Great Ocean Road’s rugged splendour is best experienced on this signature four-day, 44-kilometre guided walk . You’ll follow the rugged limestone stacks of the shipwreck coastline: wild, crashing waves, curious wildlife, and two national parks.

Finish each day at your luxurious lodge, where you’ll sit with your feet soaking and a glass of wine in hand. You’ll have a single lodge to call home on this walk, meaning you’ll only need to set out with a day pack.

7. Three Capes Signature Walk, Tasmania

On Tasmania’s Three Capes Signature Walk , you’ll feel like you’re walking along the edge of the world. From your boat landing on a remote beach, climb slowly upward for spectacular views and wildlife encounters with pods of dolphins, fur seals and echidnas. Spend days walking Jurassic dolerite cliffs with the wild Southern Ocean as your only constant.

Stay in architecturally designed eco-lodges nestled at the very edge of the world. Think floor-to-ceiling windows, a plunge pool and even an on-site spa to tend to ailments from the hike.

Discover more Great Walks of Australia and start planning your next adventure at greatwalksofaustralia.com.au.

Ice cold bars, camping trips and Australia’s best beach