It’s the heated debate that divides Australians each summer. What are the top road trip snacks?

Partners to exes, friends to enemies, happy families to estranged loved ones: nothing divides Australians like what food to stop for on a long summer road trip.

But it’s time for this terrible split in our society to end! As my Silly Season gift to you, here is my ranking of the top road trip food in Australia (don’t come for me or my family, please).

15. Red Bull

Honestly, you probably shouldn’t be driving if you are reaching for a can of the red stuff.

14. Chiko Roll

If you’re into heavily processed foods that don’t taste good and are usually dry, please go ahead. Plus, its inclusion of beef tallow means it’s not even vegetarian (which I thought it was for an embarrassingly long time).

13. Vanilla slice

Honestly, this flaky pastry with custard turns me into a hot mess express. I know a lot of people love the vanilla slice, and how it very much fits into the iconic Aussie road trip snack category, but I can’t see the appeal. I usually just end up getting crumbs and vanilla custard all down my front and feeling quite car-sick. Not a good look with limited clothes packed.

12. Maccas

I’ll admit I am a bit of a McDonald’s snob. But when my partner suggests it (pretty much every time we drive down from Sydney to Wollongong to see family), I find myself channelling my politician alter ego. I neither confirm nor deny my desire for the strawberry thick shake and hash brown, as my partner knowingly orders it for me.

Minus points for my almost inevitable stomach-ache, and the fact it’s not exactly a one-of-a-kind stop.

11. Jelly Snakes, Haribo Tangfastics, Allen’s Jellies – any jellied lollies will do

Love the taste and the feeling like you are an eight-year-old again (and one who can drive, at that). A relatively kid-friendly road trip snack until the sugar rush kicks in. Points are knocked off for the queasiness and uncontrollable thirst once you have eaten them. No one needs more bathroom breaks on a ten-hour drive, do they?

10. Sausage roll

The Australian sausage roll is a classic for a reason. While there are some rather fancy options available at select bakeries these days, like pork and apple, or lamb and harissa, part of my pleasure is with the ambiguity of the ‘meat’ in the sausage roll. Gorgeous and greasy in a way that makes the paper bag it comes in go see-through, and cheap to boot.

9. Icy pole

Draw straws for which one of you has to leave the air-conditioned safety of the car to bring back cool relief from the servo freezer. Magnums are also a firm crowd favourite. But on a day that is a true scorcher, it doesn’t get much better than a refreshing lemonade icy pole.

8. Dare Iced Coffee/chocolate milk

Not my personal favourite because I like my caffeine hot and bitter – as I aspire to be so in life. But in honour of all those people who have driven me up and down the roads of Australia, with a carton of cold, sweet, milky produce loyally at their side, it gets a higher ranking.

7. Servo coffee

Australia hands-down has some of the world’s best coffees. Everywhere you go, gourmet cafes have lab-like conditions for making your brew just the way you like it. And a servo coffee just ain’t it. However, there’s nothing like splashing $2 for that comforting warmth (black and bitter, please) and a little pep in your step as you blearily set off at 5am.

6. Scallop pie

My first entry in what I call ‘The Boujee Category’. This rare species of Aussie road snack is commonly found in the state of Tasmania. We’re talking curried scallops and veggies in a puff pastry. Originally from Hobart, scallop pie is now served at coastal bakeries around the island. Best eaten in scallop season, from April to the end of July.

5. Farm fruit

When I see a farm fruit stand, my city woman persona immediately morphs into a simple country girl. Olives that are farmed just up the road? Strawberries nurtured to life by an elderly farmer? Mangoes where I can literally see where they are picked if I squint really hard? I don’t care if any of it’s true: take my money.

4. Hot chippies with chicken salt

Because you’ll need to cleanse your palette after all that healthy fruit. And with chicken salt, because ordering chips without it is an Australian crime.

3. Oysters

Second entry for Boujee. With plenty of road trips at this time of the year concentrating on the busy coastal roads, it’s a real treat to stop for some oysters, which are far cheaper and fresher than you’ll get in the cities.

All up the NSW coast (particularly on the South Coast), Apollo Bay on the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Coffin Bay in South Australia, and Freycinet in Tasmania you will find some of the best places for them at oyster farms and seafood eateries. (I’ll admit that for some people, oysters just aren’t their thing. But it’s my list.)

2. Meat pie

This used to be lower on my list, but in recent years has skyrocketed to second place. Last year, on a road trip back from Woodford Folk Festival  on the Sunshine Coast, I was ravenous with hanger. And that thick gravy goodness with meat chunks inside a mashed potato-topped meat pie? It literally brought me back to life.

1. Spinach and ricotta roll

She’s the inclusive vegetarian queen of bakery options. And for that, I thank her for her many years of service. Greasy pastry? Check. That little bit of vegetables so you don’t feel guilty? Check. Cheese? Check, check, check.