The weirdest (and funniest) place names in Australia

There are some weird and wonderfully named places and landmarks out there beyond the back of Bourke. AT swears all of them are real, unlike the mythical BrisVegas or Ballafornia. Each and every one can be found scattered somewhere across this ochre landscape we call the outback.

Useless Loop, WA

Useless Loop was named on Nicolas Baudin’s expedition of 1801-1803 by Henri-Louis de Saulces de Freycinet (not to be confused with his more famous navigator brother, Louis-Claude de Saulces de Freycinet). The impetuous Frenchman gave it the name “Havre Inutile", or Useless Harbour, because a large sandbar blocked off any boat from entering, thus making it useless. But he was wrong!

The cove at Useless Loop has since been transformed into a solar salt farm that offers the world the highest-grade salt available. That’ll learn ya, Henri-Louis de Saulces de Freycinet!

Come by Chance, NSW

Situated in the Pilliga region of NSW, George and William Colless were plesantly surprised when they stumbled upon a large vacant block, whilst originally en route somewhere more promising, and were able to buy it. The two men were compelled to don the station, Come By Chance, and the station grew into a town and somewhere along the way added a race club.

Wee Waa, NSW

This small town was the first to arise on the banks of the Namoi River and is the birthplace of the cotton industry in Australia. Given that the area is blanketed by what appears to be a white Christmas of cotton blooms in April, the Aboriginal meaning of Wee Waa is anything but chilly and tranquil. It is, ironically, “Fire for Roasting".

Chinamans Knob, VIC & NSW

Somewhere out there, locked in a tax-funded office, a group of busybody do-gooders is plotting the downfall of our most politically incorrect place names. Up near the top would be not one, but two Chinamans Knobs!

But they’ll have their work cut out for them. According to Geoscience Australia, there are some 364 place names with the word Chinaman and some 624 with Knob. Don’t believe us?

The Gunbarrel Highway, NT, SA & WA

There have been many fanciful tales on how the Gunbarrel Highway got its name. Not least because of marauding gangs robbing settlers at gunpoint. Nor the fact the highway was the main service point to weaponising the Woomera atomic testing facility in the 50’s and 60’s.

Instead, the Gunbarrel Highway got her name from the chief surveyor, Len Beadell, who liked to draw as many double straight lines as possible to maximize fuel efficiency and joked that his team would be called the “Gunbarrel Construction Company." The name stuck.

Marvel Loch, WA

Never has Australia’s love of a punt been so obvious. Marvel Loch is a small, outback-dwelling town located nowhere near a lake, river or a body of water of any significance, let alone a Scottish Loch of the marvellous variety. Instead, Marvel Loch, a mining town, began life in 1906 and was named after the winning horse of the 1905 Caulfield Cup.

Snowtown, SA

Never has a town been so misleading in its naming. Travel to this place with your snowboard or skis and you’ll risk being bitterly disappointed. Not only are there no mountains, but you can also forget about the fluffy white stuff.

Instead, this typical country town is plopped smack bang in the middle of a flat, fertile wheat plain. It was named on a whim by the then State Governor in 1878, after his friend, Thomas Snow. Once again, nepotism leads us astray.

Monkey Mia, WA

How can a town famous for dolphins be named after monkeys? There’s no debate that “Mia" is the local Aboriginal term for home or shelter, but after that it gets a bit murky. Some believe it was simply named for a schooner called Monkey which may, or may not, have moored in the bay.

Others believe it comes from local pastoralists’ slang for sheep. The more fanciful tale has it that Malay pearlers brought pet monkeys with them to work, and Monkey Mia is named after one such simian that jumped overboard and attempted to swim ashore. Whatever the truth, AT promises to continue the search for wild monkeys in the surrounding hills. Just in case.

Runners-up:

1. Running Jump Creek, Vic

2. Little Mount Horror, Tas

3. Scented Knob, WA

4. Wanka Creek, Qld

5. Fiddletown, NSW

6. Bong Bong, Qld & NSW

7. Greg Greg, NSW

8. Big Dick Bore, WA

9. Dead Cat Gully, NSW

10. Linger And Die Hill, NSW

Winding down in the Yarra Valley, where ‘work from home’ becomes ‘work from wine country’.

Steam from my morning coffee curls gently into the cool valley air, mist-veiled vineyards stretch out in neat rows below me. Magpies warble from trees, and the morning’s quiet carries the soft bleating of lambs from a nearby paddock. Midweek in the Yarra Valley has its own rhythm. It’s slower, quieter, with more empty tables at cafes and cellar doors, and walking trails I can claim all to myself. It’s as if the entire region takes a deep breath once the weekend crowd leaves.

walking trails in the Yarra Valley — You’ll find walking trails are less crowded during the week. (Image: Visit Victoria)

I haven’t come here for a holiday, but to do a little work somewhere other than my home office, where I spend too much time hunched over my desk. Deadlines still loom, meetings still happen, but with flexible work evolving from ‘work from home’ to ‘work from anywhere’, I’m swapping the view of my front yard to the vineyards.

A quiet afternoon at Yarra Valley Dairy

holding a glass of wine at Yarra Valley Dairy — Wine time at Yarra Valley Dairy, where you can enjoy a toastie or bagel in the cafe. (Image: Visit Victoria)

With the Yarra Valley just over an hour from the CBD, many Melburnians could drive here in their lunch break. I arrive late in the afternoon and am delighted to discover the Yarra Valley Dairy still open. On weekends, I’ve seen queues spilling out the door, but today there’s only one other couple inside. There’s no need to rush to secure a table; instead I browse the little store, shelves stacked with chutneys, spices, artisan biscuits and gorgeous crockery that would look right at home in my kitchen. It’s hard not to buy the lot.

a cheese tasting plate atYarra Valley Dairy — A cheese tasting plate at Yarra Valley Dairy.

I order a coffee and a small cheese platter, though the dairy has a full menu, and choose a wooden table with bentwood chairs by a wide window. The space feels part farm shed, part cosy café: corrugated iron ceiling, walls painted in muted tones and rustic furniture.

Outside, cows meander toward milking sheds. If pressed for time, there’s the option of quick cheese tastings – four samples for five dollars in five minutes – but today, I’m in no rush. I sip slowly, watching a grey sky settle over the paddock. Less than an hour ago I was hunched over my home-office desk, and now my racing mind has slowed to match the valley’s pace.

Checking in for vineyard views at Balgownie Estate

Restaurant 1309 at Balgownie Estate has views across the vines.

As my car rolls to a stop at Balgownie Estate, I’m quietly excited, and curious to see if my plan to work and play comes off. I’ve chosen a suite with a spacious living area and a separate bedroom so I can keep work away from a good night’s sleep. I could have booked a cosy cottage, complete with open fireplace, a comfy couch and a kettle for endless cups of tea, but as I am still here to get some work done, I opt for a place that takes care of everything. Dinner is served in Restaurant 1309, as is breakfast.

oysters at Restaurant 1309, Balgownie Estate — Oysters pair perfectly with a crisp white at Restaurant 1309.

On my first evening, instead of the usual walk about my neighbourhood, I stroll through the estate at an unhurried pace. There’s no need to rush – someone else is preparing my dinner after all. The walking trails offer beautiful sunsets, and it seems mobs of kangaroos enjoy the view, too. Many appear, grazing lazily on the hillside.

I wake to the call of birds and, after breakfast, with the mist still lingering over the vineyards, I watch two hot-air balloons silently drift above clouds. Perched on a hill, Balgownie Estate sits above the mist, leaving the valley below veiled white.

kangaroos in Yarra Valley — Spotting the locals on an evening walk. (Image: Visit Victoria)

Exploring the Yarra Valley on two wheels

the Yarra Valley vineyards — Swap your home office for a view of the vineyards. (Image: Visit Victoria/Cormac Hanrahan)

Perhaps because the Yarra Valley is relatively close to where I live, I’ve never considered exploring the area any way other than by car or on foot. And with a fear of heights, a hot-air balloon is firmly off the table. But when I discover I can hop on two wheels from the estate and cycle into Yarra Glen, I quickly realise it’s the perfect way to step away from my laptop and experience a different side of the region.

COG Bike offers pedal-assist e-bikes, and while the bike trail and paths into town aren’t particularly hilly, having an extra bit of ‘oomph’ means I can soak up the surroundings. Those lambs I heard calling early in the morning? I now find them at the paddock fence, sniffing my hands, perhaps hoping for food. Cows idle nearby, and at a fork in the bike path I turn left toward town.

It’s still morning, and the perfect time for a coffee break at The Vallie Store. If it were the afternoon, I’d likely turn right, in the direction of four wineries with cellar doors. The ride is about 15 kilometres return, but don’t let that put you off. Staying off the highway, the route takes you along quiet backroads where you catch glimpses of local life – farmers on tractors, weathered sheds, rows of vines and the kind of peaceful countryside you don’t see from the main road.

A detour to the Dandenong Ranges

legs hanging over the sides of the train, Puffing Billy Railway — The iconic Puffing Billy runs every day except Christmas Day.

The beauty of basing myself in the Yarra Valley is how close everything feels. In barely half an hour I’m in the Dandenong Ranges, swapping vineyards for towering mountain ash and fern-filled gullies. The small villages of Olinda and Sassafras burst with cosy teahouses, antique stores and boutiques selling clothing and handmade body care items.

I’m drawn to RJ Hamer Arboretum – Latin for ‘a place for trees’. Having grown up among tall trees, I’ve always taken comfort in their presence, so this visit feels like a return of sorts. A stroll along the trails offers a choice: wide open views across patchwork paddocks below, or shaded paths that lead you deeper into the quiet hush of the peaceful forest.

The following day, I settle into a quiet corner on the balcony of Paradise Valley Hotel in Clematis and soon hear Puffing Billy’s whistle and steady chuff as the steam train climbs towards town. Puffing Billy is one of Australia’s most beloved steam trains, running through the Dandenong Ranges on a narrow-gauge track. It’s famous for its open carriages where passengers can sit with their legs hanging over the sides as the train chugs through the forest. This is the perfect spot to wave to those on the train.

After my midweek break, I find my inbox still full and my to-do list not in the least shrunken, just shifted from one task to another. But I return to my home office feeling lighter, clearer and with a smug satisfaction I’d stolen back a little time for myself. A midweek wind-down made all the difference.

A traveller’s checklist

Staying there

Balgownie Estate offers everything from cellar door tastings to spa treatments and fine dining – all without leaving the property.

Playing there

the TarraWarra Museum of Art, Yarra Valley — Visit the TarraWarra Museum of Art. (Image: Visit Victoria)

Wander through Alowyn Gardens, including a stunning wisteria tunnel, then explore the collection of contemporary artworks at TarraWarra Museum of Art. Cycle the Yarra Valley with COG Bike to visit local wineries and cellar doors.

Eating and drinking there

Olinda Tea House offers an Asian-inspired high tea. Paradise Valley Hotel, Clematis has classic pub fare, while the iconic Yering Station offers wine tastings and a restaurant with seasonal dishes.

seasonal dishes at the restaurant inside Yering Station — The restaurant at Yering Station showcases the best produce of the Yarra Valley. (Image: Visit Victoria)