Why I hate Valentine’s Day and what to do about it.

Quentin Long Quentin Long
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Ok, so I am a guy but people tell me I am not too bad on the romance stakes. The wife says it’s a bit inconsistent – it’s not daily.

But I hate Valentines day. It’s more than just the rampant commercialisation – it’s the crap that carries on around it. Here are the three worst things that happen on the day.

Office Pissing Contest
The procession of flowers that arrive at reception for some lucky girl to come and collect is tedious and unhelpful to the office.

It’s almost like a scoreboard for women – the size of the bouquet is a measure of the women’s ability to garner the devotion of some guy.

Not only is it pathetic and in reality these issues are best between a couple, but it is not great for office morale.

It’s Unimaginative
Beyond the commercialisation, it’s a manifestation of the most unimaginative lazy effort in a relationship imaginable. Anyone who goes all out on Valenitines day is, to me, not worth being in a relationship with. They do not have the personal fortitude to act in any imaginative way. They are nothing but sheep.

It’s a Victory of Style over Substance
The public song and dance for Valentines day is often more about each member of the relationship proudly showing off at the water cooler the next day. Its meaningless in reality.

So, if you want to avoid all this my tip is – do something special on the 12th. You don’t have the cost of the marked up 14th, it beats everyone else to the punch and it is a surprise.

Oh, and some ideas?
Well I reckon a photo book is pretty darn special these days – organising digital photos is such a pain, that the photo book is a decent solution.

I recently did one for my mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and it was cheap and relatively painless. I used Album Works.

If you go for the hotel deal make sure you get something onto like a theatre deal – Sofitel are the guys I reckon who do a grand job of the theatre/arts package.

Happy un-Valentine!

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Quentin Long
Quentin Long is the Co-Founder and Managing Director of Australian Traveller Media. Quentin is a sought-after travel media commentator. He is Australia’s most trusted source for travel news and insights, having held weekly radio segments across the country since 2006, and regularly appearing on Channel 9’s Today and A Current Affair programs from 2010. Don't ask him his favourite travel experience as that's like asking him to choose a favourite child. However he does say that Garma Festival is the one travel experience that changed him the most.
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This geological wonder is hiding in the heart of Victoria

    Michael Turtle Michael Turtle
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    Mythical, historical and most of all, spectacularly beautiful, Buchan Caves demands you take your time – and a tour. 

    In the pools of water, so still they could be mirrors, the reflections of the stalactites make these limestone towers seem even taller. Almost 400 million years ago, an underground river carved through the rock to create the Buchan Caves. Now, artworks created by dripping water adorn these subterranean galleries: stalactites hanging from the ceiling, pillars connecting some to the ground, even curtain-like wave formations clinging to the stone.

    Caves House
    Visit the caves for the day or stay onsite in the campground or at the self-contained Caves House. (Image: Ben Savage)

    “This is called the Fairy Cave because it’s full of fairy dust,” a guide tells visitors as they enter a cavern glittering with “calcite that’s solidified into thousands of tiny little diamond shapes”.  Buchan Caves is Victoria’s largest cave system, but Fairy Cave is a highlight and, along with nearby Royal Cave, is accessible only by tour. Naturally cold, naturally dark, these caverns deep below the surface light up as the local experts tell their stories. 

    couple walking in cave
    You’ll need to book a guided tour to see the caves. (Image: Tourism Australia)

    Among the hundreds of caves, some can be easily accessed from the surface. For instance, a casual stroll along the FJ Wilson Interpreted Walk, as kangaroos watch on from beneath acacia trees, leads into the 400-metre-long Federal Cave and its natural steps of white limestone. A slightly longer track, the Granite Pools Walk heads through soaring forest down into moss-covered gullies where the calls of lyrebirds trill through the leaves. 

    A quick history lesson on Buchan Caves 

    Buchan Caves
    Buchan Caves are a must-visit attraction in Gippsland. (Image: Tourism Australia)

    Among the geology and the nature are millennia of history. This part of East Gippsland connects the high country to the coast and was long a place of refuge for the local Gunaikurnai people on seasonal migrations to the mountains. Archaeological studies show humans lived here up to 18,000 years ago, with artefacts such as small stone tools found around the site. But not too far into the caverns – oh no! The Gunaikurnai didn’t dare venture deep into the dark at Buchan Caves, telling stories they were inhabited by gnome-like nyols (small grey-skinned creatures that could steal memories). 

    Buchan Caves Hotel
    The Buchan Caves Hotel was rebuilt after burning down in 2014. (Image: Jess Shapiro)

    By the early 1900s, more people had started to hear about these incredible caves and so the Moon family set up home at the site and started to run tours below ground for intrepid visitors. More than a century later, their historic residence is available as accommodation, with the three-bedroom house sleeping up to eight people and now equipped with modern amenities the Moons could only have dreamt of. 

    But whether you stay overnight or just spend the day here, it’s worth taking your time to explore more than just the main caves, to get a deeper understanding of one of Victoria’s fascinating geological attractions.